Where to Start

First of all I want to say that I'm not looking for sympathy and I'm not looking for advice.  I am documenting what has been happening in my life.  In April, I found out that I was pregnant.  So excited figured out that my due date was Dec. 23rd.  Well I can get over that, I knew that I was going to have a c-section.  Dr. said that they weren't going to give me an actual due date until after I had an ultrasound. 3 weeks later at the ultrasound there was no heartbeat and I was only measuring 6 weeks when I should have been over 8.  The Dr. asked me what I wanted to do.  I decided that I needed the reassurance and I would wait for another ultrasound a week later.  I was a mess that entire week.  Fast forward a week and yep, no heartbeat.  The Dr. asked me what I wanted to do, if I wanted to try to miscarry on my own or if I wanted a d and c.  I had been doing my research and I knew that I wanted the surgery.  She said, "Good because if you tried this on your own it would take weeks if not months."
2 days later I had the surgery.  I didn't have any complications and went back to work a week later.  I have never felt the spirit so much as when I started this whole process.  To know that we are sealed as a family and that this baby sacrificed their body for the trials that we needed.  I have to tell you that this was the very best thing for my marriage.  Matt and I have become so much closer and if I had to go through this again knowing what the outcome would be, I would do it for that reason.  The temple has been such a comfort and I think that this helped me go that much more.  I realize how important it is in my life.
Matt sent me these flowers at work.  This is totally special because I never in my life have gotten flowers at work.  Let me tell you how the tears flowed.

These flowers are from Matt's company.  I can't tell you how much it meant to me to have his work send me flowers.  I love having him work for a smaller company.

Now back in April I decided that I was going to step down as the manager.  I wasn't going to until June because that was my anniversary date of being a manager.  I get my bonus if I wait until then.  I also needed to wait til closer to the end of the month for other reasons.  I'm also moving to a different Regis so that I don't feel like I'm stepping on the new managers toes.
 The manager at Paradise Bakery has worked there for about the same amount of time as I have.  She brought this by on my last day and told me that she couldn't stay because she was going to cry.  Well, I was crying enough for both of us and I still had clients.

 The girls at work have never been that close to me, but on the last day they brought in these flowers, donuts, and rice krispie treats.  I felt extremely loved.

Last Saturday was my last day.  I found out on Friday, and while I'm very glad, this is totally different for me.  I'm not the boss anymore, I'm at a Regis that is free standing and not in a mall, and I'm only working 2-3 days a week.  Change is hard, but I'm getting closer to my dream of being a stay at home mom.  I still know that this isn't the Lord's plan yet, I feel so lucky to be with the kids more.